Once a young couple saw this house.
They moved in, with one young one in tow.
The family grew, and the house grew to.
A bomb shelter, and a porch
Not enough room.
A kitchen addition
Another porch
All added on.

As the family grew,
They grew outdoors
A pond was made deeper
Pools came and went,
and came again
Gardens, gardens everywhere.
Children weeding, children eating.
Lawn mowers, mowing
The hot kiss of the summer grass
The cold kiss of the winter snow.

Yet still more room?
Construction begins
An attic is changed
Was it magic? Or just hard work?
A big cold bedroom and another bath
Both become,
Forever
The realm of the fairer sex.
Lothlórien
No boys, like dwarves allowed
Eye of newt and magic spells
Boys forever banned to the lower realms, Moria, the second floor.

At one point there were four, 3 girls and a boy.
Hopes of even numbers shattered.
Then another boy 3, and 2, oh so close.
Then another girl, bright and smiley.
Add another boy to make it…4 and 3?.
Then a pause. Game over. The ref is heading out the door.
Children in school, children in plays.
But wait overtime is called.
The owners meet and conference call and then…
Finally a last one added to the brood.
Boy or girl? Even or not?
The final score is – 4 and 4!
Now let there be wars.
The family rejoiced, and the house,
The house grew tired.

As the family grew so did the driveway.
There were basketball games
There was wood to split
There were bikes galore
There was a camper in the yard
And what
What was that?
A monkey in the house!

Then there were friends
Neighbors
Social hours
Fairy circles
Wild kingdom in the halls
Hidden mouse doors
Terabithia and middle earth.

Then there were boyfriends, lots of those.
And then cars, and cars, AND CARS!
Where was Neal Cassidy when it came time to park those cars?

Graduations
Then the children
One by one
Started to go
Away…

Colleges called, yes all eight
All away, all returning with degrees
Before heading off again.

The house started to relax,
The numbers started to thin.
but then
Was that the sound of tiny reindeers?
No!
What ho? Suddenly new family members
Inlaws and outlaws, children moving home
Babies again, hadn’t the house already done this before?
The house had to stop and ask itself…
Would they ever go?

Then they did.
One by one.
The house grew
Empty.
But not yet, Now there was
Just two.
The first two, all these years
Still together.
The house drew them in
Settling around them
Like an old cardigan

Then.
Then they were gone.

After all those years they could not be apart.
No, not for very long.
The second one quickly followed the first.
Now the house stood
Silent.

Until

A bustle of activity, unfamiliar feet
Vans, cars, trailers moving things around
Things stored away for 50 years
Brought out to see the day.
Then the sale.
Little bits of this and that, disappearing
Off to go to other houses, other homes.

Now,

Suddenly,
The house stands empty.
Echoes ring in and out.
Then fade.

The house sits quiet.
Empty rooms, Empty halls.
What next?
Who can tell?

© by Dan DeMarle 2/25/2014

I was recently asked what I thought students, parents, teachers, and others should do to respond to School shootings.  So let me offer some thoughts.

First School shootings are just the symptom of a much deeper problem.  It is very important to dig deeper than just the short term immediate gut check responses, such as arming teachers or administrators.  Students need to be taught how to read critically and ask the deeper questions.  Matt Taibbi in his book “Griftopia: Bubble Machines, Vampire Squids, and the Long Con That is Breaking America”  investigates the underlying reasons for the Housing bubble and the Great Recession and even the gas price bubble from the early 2010s.  Remember when gas prices rose to over $4 a gallon? We were told it was due to overuse and lack of supply. Neither was true. What actually happened, was that there was a federal regulation change that allowed for a gas price future bubble to emerge. There was no lack of supply, there were just bankers making billions of dollars and lots of people being hurt by high gas prices.   Students should be taught to read books such as James Loewen’s “Lies My Teacher Told Me: Everything Your American History Textbook Got Wrong” or any of his other books.  Teaching children to read and thinking critically is vital.  Most of us have no idea “who” is really screwing us and “who” and “what” is really causing these mass shootings.  Unless we and our children can identify the true root causes, we will just keep pulling the leaves and not the roots.

Second help students advocate for federal research on gun violence.  From a health perspective each mass shooting should be treated as an outbreak of a disease.  Once we can research why a disease has an outbreak, we can then find ways to stop it. The medical/scientific model really does work. However researchers are prohibited by Congress from studying gun related deaths. Remember more people die from gun related suicides every year than in mass shootings.  Have students work on getting this law changed.

Third have students work towards a constitutional change.  The constitution has been changed many times already, they are called amendments.   We no longer can own people!  That was allowed initially in the constitution.  I actually support a reasonable right for organized militia’s to bear arms.  However, that does not mean an individual’s right to bear arms. While guns’ are around, we can not stop death by suicides or mass shootings.  The constitution needs to change. It can be done, it has been done in the past.

Fourth get kids excited to vote.  If they turn 18 before the November election (check your local laws) they can vote.   Get kids to get their parents, older siblings, relatives, neighbors, and teachers to go and vote.  Also have them encourage these people to vote for politician’s who believe in gun control.

Fifth, teach kids about gun safety and give them the supplies to make sure any guns around them have trigger locks, and locked gun cabinets.  When I ask my patients about guns in their houses, they almost invariably know where the guns are and also where the key to the gun cabinet is, if there is one.  Not good!  However that is better than simply having guns laying around in purses or on end tables.

Sixth, teach kids and give kids the tools to effectively deal with bullying, harassment, depression, and anxiety.  Kids act out for a reason. They will have less of a need to act out if they have effective tools to deal with these kind of issues. If bullying or harassment occurs in their schools have them get and have their parents complete DASA forms. DASA forms are the tool stemming from the NY State Dignity for All Students Act that makes schools investigate and report to NY State bullying, teasing, and harassment issues.  They are often a very effective way to stop these things from occurring in schools.

Finally  in times of stress, people feel better if they can take control.  Passivity can lead to depression and a belief that there is nothing they can do.  So there is an election in November, get kids involved in the electoral process.  Simply putting pressure on politician’s who are already in Congress or State Houses probably won’t make a change.  So work on getting new people in there.  Have kids help with phone banks, have them go door to door with voter registration forms.  Have them help arrange rides for people to go to the polls.  Have them volunteer as formal or informal poll watchers.  Get them up and involved and moving!

© Dan DeMarle, Ph.D. 2018

When the winter cold has settled in, I find it helpful to remember August’s butterflies and sunshine.

© words by Dan DeMarle 2018

© picture by Dan DeMarle 2017

Somedays even the bears are tired and decide to take the bus.

Somedays even the fish get tired and decide to skip school.

Somedays even the rabbits get tired and decide to walk instead of hop.

But even on those days, I still love you!

© words and picture by Dan DeMarle 2018